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Noodle This For A Moment

This week was hell. Absolute hell.

Alright, it wasn�t that bad, but even when work isn�t completely hellish, I still have to deal with Satan, remember.

Unfortunately, my mind and time are completely occupied with work and my impending actuarial exam, and I don�t feel spunky enough for a delightful diary entry at the moment. But at the same time, since going gold, my entire sense of self-worth is based on the diaryland stats that tell me how many readers are clicking my ad and reading my diary, and my stats have been causing me nothing but grief lately. Sad. We went from 150 readers per day early in the week to 25 readers per day late in the week. �Where�d they all go?� I�d shout with despair and a tear in my eye at my monitor, and then it would hit me � if you want readers, you have to write. And I haven�t written all week long. Hmmm. Go figure.

The left lobe of my brain has decided to compromise with the right lobe, and although we�re not feeling creative enough to make you laugh, we�re going to try our damnedest with a brief entry with a few quick points about absolute nothingness�

Point 1 � I�ve been looking for a catchphrase to end each entry with. Dizboy has �Be Well�. OrpheusD0wn has �Take it light.� And Taurus-Virgo teaches us a new word at the end of each entry. I decided in a moment of utter brilliance that mine would be �Go figure�. Let�s spend a moment and noodle that little double entendre, shall we? Since I write about crap that�s generally meaningless and makes me want to end each sentence with something like, �Hmmm. Go figure�� (see paragraph 3 above) or something earth-shatteringly profound like that, and since I always write before either going to work or going to study where I practice being a nice little mathematician and spend countless hours figuring numbers, at the end of each entry I�m literally ready to �go figure�.

Unfortunately, when you have to explain how witty you are, chances are you aren�t all that witty after all. Eh, fuck it. Anyone have a better idea, please let me know.

Point 2 � The person at work who most often checks my projects, Checkers, is a complete loser. Once we were in a meeting discussing whether to hire someone who had just interviewed, some completely effeminate guy who lisped his way through the entire 4-hour interview, and Checkers said, �Do you think he was GAY? Don�t you think that�s WEIRD? I don�t know if I would want to work with someone who�s GAY?� He punctuated every sentence with a question mark, his voice raising both in volume and pitch. Obviously he didn�t know that he already did work with someone who was gay, namely me, nor did he know that he was the only person in the room who didn�t already have advanced knowledge of my gayness. Sparks flew out of my eyes and ears, but I said nothing. I figured it�d be much better to just use the experience to my advantage at a later date when I wanted to get him in trouble. Of course, he eventually found out that I was in fact gay, and it did nothing to improve our working relationship. Now he�s just terribly awkward and embarrassed to be around me. While that does give me satisfaction, I�m still pissed that I didn�t get to use his homophobia against him at a more opportune time, for example, when he�s giving me my employee evaluation next week.

Checkers said to me yesterday that we needed to have a meeting, but first he had to go to the bathroom. He said, �I � I�ll be back in about 10 minutes,� as he walked away towards the little boys� room. This disturbed me because he basically had just told me that he was going to go do #2, and that has made me feel terribly awkward and embarrassed to be around him. I know we all do #2 from time to time, but it feels inappropriate to announce it to our coworkers. This is going to make working together all that much more fun, don�t you think?

Point 3 � I deserve pity. I�m going to be spending the next 4 Sundays in a sterile conference room of some insurance company in Manhattan. Since I�m not passing this exam of my own will, Satan has forced me into attending a seminar with a few dozen other geeks, taught by an even bigger geek, that will teach me the geeky wonders of actuarial mathematics. If I survive this without taking that emergency cyanide pill I plan on packing with my calculator, it�ll be an absolute miracle.

Sorry, it appears this quick entry of nothingness turned into a long and boring entry of nothingness. Hmmm�Go figure.